Happy Kids

Happiness is the one thing you cannot buy, you have to find it within yourself. Show your kids how to be happy and your child can follow. 

To teach your child to be happy, you first have to understand your own happiness. Happiness is something else for everyone. People usually see happiness as being emotionally balanced and satisfied in life. For me happiness is when I feel free, when I have freedom of choice and when I am in my gratefulness for life, for everything that has been given to me in this life and when I am floating in love for everything and everyone. 

There are two different types of happiness in life:

- Hedonia: this type of happiness is derived from pleasure by doing what feels good.

- Eudaimonia: this type of happiness is derived from seeking virtue and meaning. A feeling of a meaning and direction in life, a sense of purpose and value

Psychologists recently suggested a third type of happiness related to engagement, a feeling of being committed and participating in different areas in life. 

Research shows that happy people “tend to rank pretty high on eudaimonic life satisfaction and better than average on their hedonic life satisfaction” (see article What Does Happiness Really Mean?). 

Happy people live more in the present moment. Because only the present moment can bring a feeling of happiness in the end. There are different ways to find happiness, here are a few ideas:

- Pursue Intrinsic Goals: pursue goals that focus on your personal growth and the growth of the community. 

- Enjoy the Moment: that’s an easy one. Go with the flow. Stay present. See the butterfly flying around your head. Look into the sky and see the sun. You get the idea. 

- Reframe Negative Thoughts: humans tend to focus on the negative. It’s an actual thing. Research proofs that there is something called negativity bias, saying exactly that the human is more likely to focus on the negative than on the positive. You can train your brain to have a more balanced view of what happens so you don’t see the worst in everything, not for the past, not for the present and not for the future. 

- Avoid Social Comparison: There is always someone with a bigger yacht out there. It doesn’t matter. Comparison won’t make you happy ever. 

- Focus on the Relationships that Matter: leave the social engagements that are void behind and cultivate the relationships with a meaning for you. This doesn’t mean that there are less relationships, maybe just different ones than what you focused on so far. 

- Exercise: Exercise releases hormones that actually make you happier. Trust me, I know the story. It is almost an addiction, once you started. 

- Gratitude: Be grateful for everything there is around you in the present moment. 

- Pursue A Purpose: If you haven’t found your purpose in life yet, I can help you find it. Or you meditate on it. Or you simply make a list of things you are interested in in life and start there. 

And remember, we human beings are a community of humans. If you feel you need support, reach out and ask for the support you need in your community or anywhere it makes sense for you. I know for my part, I love to help people find their happiness, feel free to reach out to me. I have your back. 

As it comes to kids, happiness has a different meaning to them. Kids relate happiness with their families, their friends, health and school. They might not connect it to a bigger purpose yet or have a bigger picture at all. Their happiness is usually more connected to the present moment and this is so beautiful. They are happy when we are happy, at least when they are little. As a parent, one thing you can do is learn your child to express emotions like anger, frustration, sadness and happiness as well. So, whenever you as a parent are happy, you can share this with your child and your kids may start to realize for themselves what happiness is. 

Raise Happy Kids

When you are happy, your child is happy too. 

I cannot stress it enough. Your kids will only know what happiness is when you are leading by example. So, you need to know what happiness is as well. You cannot teach something you don’t understand for yourself. To raise happy kids you have several ways to help them. I share some of them below:

  • Be a happy parent: Again, leading by example. 

  • Encourage laughter in your family

  • Have a strong bond with the father of your kids: Best case you are married to the father or mother of the kids. So, please work on your marriage. This bond is what makes your child feel safe and out of this strong bond they can be happy. But even if you are not married to the father of your kids, work on your connection.

  • Work on your relationship with your kids: make sure you have a strong, loving, nurturing and deep connection to your kids. It’s the foundation of everything. If this foundation is stable your child feels safe and out of this safety it can find happiness.

  • Set an example by using your emotions and finding solutions: be an example for your kids and show them that you can show emotions and share your thoughts and at the same time are not being carried away. So, you are still a solution finder. You can be compassionate and still find solutions. 

  • Praise the effort of your child and not the result: when your child understands that life is not about having straight A’s but more about the effort it puts in things, it knows how to find happiness even in failure. Life is not about always winning, we all know that. Teach your kid that this is what you praise. When you praise the effort of your child it puts into something and not the result, your child will learn to put in an effort and be happy with this effort no matter the result. 

  • Let things go when you cannot use them anymore: Don’t stay in any past moment with your child where this one did this and the other one did that. Teach your child to let it go and stay in the present moment where the storm is usually over again. 

  • Be there for your child: just be there, hold space and show them that you will always have their back. They can always come to you with anything. This is the foundation for stability and happiness. 

To teach a child what happiness is, you have to teach your child as well how it feels at all. To be honest with yourself what your current emotional state is and that there can be improvement. When a child thinks the emotional state it is in, is just what it is, this state of well-being cannot be improved. A sense of self-reflection for a little older children can therefore make sense. 

If I want to be one thing in life, it is being happy. I am not always good in it, but I am working on it and I want to be the best example I can possibly be for my kids. I am happy when I can teach everything I know with you, so even more children can be happy. 

Happy Kids in School

Kids spend a huge amount of time in school. Let’s make sure together that they enjoy their time there.

In an initiative of the UNESCO it is the aim to transform education with happines worldwide. Having a happy climate in school, seeing teachers smile and hearing  makes all the difference to feel supported and therefore being able to study and use your brain to its fullest. They say, “through the ‘Happy Schools’ initiative, UNESCO is placing happiness at the core of the transformation of education. It encourages education systems to recognize happiness as both a means to and a goal of quality learning. The initiative is informed by a growing evidence base linking happiness with better learning, teaching, well-being and overall system resilience” (see article Why the world needs happy schools: Global Report on happiness in and for learning). 

Make sure your child is in an environment in school where teachers are nice, kids look out for each other, and your child comes home generally happy. Not every day has to be happy, but the majority of days need to be happy, otherwise I encourage you to talk to the teachers or find any other solution so your child can be happy in school as fast as possible. Why? Happiness in the end is a sign that a child feels safe. When a child feels safe it can thrive and learn at its best, is not afraid and actually enjoys learning. Helping kids to be curious and eager to learn something is making kids happy. With the help of my guides and my psychic abilities we can look at the energy level of the school, if the environment of the school is nurturing and happy, and if this environment is actually beneficial for your child. Never give up on a happy childhood. And school is a big part of it. 

What makes a Child Happy?

What makes a child happy? Ice Cream and a loving parent. 

Of course, I am joking about the ice cream. Although it does make them happy, just not long term. But I am not joking about the loving parent. A stable foundation with a parent, a light and fun environment where a child can learn to be curious and where curiosity is something that is encouraged, that makes kids happy. They know they are taken seriously when they can be curious and explore the world through their eyes. If you tell them every step on their way what they should or shouldn’t do, this will not make them happy. On the contrary, controlling parents leads to a sense of loss of control for children and this makes them unhappy and even anxious in many aspects. Curiosity is key in a kids life to keep its brain active and to develop and have a sense of control, I cannot stress this enough. And as always, when you are happy, you create a happy home for your child in which your child can be happy. Try to laugh and see the other side of the medal when you are struggling with anything. Last but not least, relationship first. Your relationship with your child is the foundation for everything, keep it happy, positive and loving. 

What makes a Baby happy

You don’t have to be a child expert to give your baby what it needs. Your own parent instinct will give you all you need.

So trust in your instincts! You don’t need anyone to tell you what to do. You as a parent know best. What you can do is gather as much information that speaks to you and apply it in your own way. You make it your way and your relationship with your baby. What is no surprise is that you don’t have to be a baby expert to raise a happy baby. What your baby needs is basic care, love and attention and a lot of fun. Give your baby as many cuddle and hugs as you can. Spend time with your baby doing dada dodo. This dada dodo is the baby’s language. When you repeat what your baby is saying your baby feels seen and heard and therefore can feel safe. All you need to do as a parent is to let your baby feel safe with you, at home and in life. With this safety your baby can start to develop its brain and be carefree and have fun and with all this be happy. Safety is the foundation of everything. Giving your baby the attention and time it needs to be with your baby, giving it love with cuddle and hugs and body contact is all building up on that. And most of all, have fun being with your baby. Cherish this moment you have with your child. Don’t see the annoying part we can all relate to as a parent – not having time for yourself, wanting to do thousands of other things, just be with your baby, be in the present moment. Being in the present moment will help you not to think of your to do list. The time you will take to be with your baby – at least when you are present and happy and it is not forced – will pay off thousand times later in life when your baby grows up. You build up the right foundation when your baby is small. Don’t underestimate this time. It is not “just” a baby. Your baby gets more than you think, especially body language, tone of your voice, energies in the room. Your baby picks it all up and builds up stress or resilience and happiness. It is your choice as a parent. You are the one forming this basis for your baby.  And then have some self-care time for yourself as well. When you are the foundation of your baby, you need to make sure you are happy as well. Take your time outs as often as you need them and then go back home to your baby and be present and enjoy the time with your baby. It’s the best you can do. 

Happy School Choices

I don’t have the answer. But I can help you find yours.

There is not right or wrong choice. There is only a happy choice. The choice that makes your child happy. Is the school environment your child is in good for your child or not? Be honest in your answer. Is this going on for a while or has this changed recently? Can you point to the reason of this change? Is it a change to worry about and act upon? What are the other options you have? There are many questions a parent needs to ask himself when it comes to your child’s school. I am here to support you in these decisions. I know what I am talking about. I am always aware of it for my own children and I helped several clients in school matters, changing schools, doing homeschooling. Whatever it is that life is throwing at you. I help you navigate through it. 

Stanford Graduate School of Education shares a Stanford-led study (see article) that links school environment to brain development. So not only is important how your child feels at home and how you support the child but it is also important how your child feels in school. So finding the right school environment is crucial for your child to thrive. I always recommend to my clients to include the child in the school decisions.